Why Selling Feels So Wrong - and How to Do It Differently

No matter where you are on your entrepreneurial journey, one thing is certain: You have to sell.

However, the problem with selling is that most people don’t like it. They find it inauthentic, sleazy, awkward – even unethical in the way they’re told to do it. And often, this means they dance around it or even avoid it. Not good for business.

But why does it feel like this? And how can we make it a better experience for you and your potential clients?

I could write a book about it, but I hope this article gives you an idea of why selling is a less uplifting part of your business, and where you can start to change that.

3 sales tactics that may feel ‘off’ for you – and what to do instead

I bet that you’ve already tried many of the things that the sales gurus out there teach you to do. But when you’re reading this, chances are high that it didn’t feel good when you applied them – and also, they didn’t lead to (more) sales. Lose-lose, so to say. 

Let’s look into three examples which are very common:

1. Quantity over quality

‘Sales is a numbers game.’ You’ve probably heard this before — connect with as many people as possible, make 100 new connections a week, flood inboxes to stay top of mind.

While this 24/7 presence approach seems to work for a few, I know many who feel overwhelmed and exhausted after a short while. Especially if you haven’t built up a routine of putting yourself out there on a regular basis, a constant hustle is just too much for you. It simply doesn’t feel like ‘you’ – you only do it because you’re told that this is the way to do it.

But if you take a moment: how do YOU feel when someone connects with you on social media, only to pitch you within minutes? Or when your inbox is flooded with daily sales emails after downloading one freebie? It’s exhausting, isn’t it? I don’t know about you, but I’m not intrigued to buy and hit the ‘unsubscribe’ or ‘disconnect’ button in the twinkling of an eye.

What to do instead:

Instead of trying to sell to random people or ‘cold’ leads, build up relationships first. Be super clear about who your people are, and then connect with those people. Leave out the noise of following the ‘quality over quantity’ approach and save your time and energy for those who you can help best and who can and want to work with you.

Offer them value that aligns with your values. There is a very simple, yet effective yardstick for selling in a different way: use your own preferences and intuition. How do YOU want to be treated as a client?

2. Overcome objections

Another one that makes me cringe: ‘Overcome objections.’ I’m sure you’ve heard that you should convince the hesitant client that your offer is perfect for them. ‘Keep them on the hook!’ Argh.

How does it feel for you as the one in the seller’s position? Awkward? Forced? You’re not alone. Most people hate this part of selling, and for good reason: it feels manipulative (because it is!). And your potential client feels it too.

Your offer is an investment into their professional or personal development. Some have never invested in themselves before, and those who did may still want to talk to their partner. Maybe they need to look into their finances and release funds. Maybe they just want to sleep a night over it.

Trying to talk them out of it and convince them usually doesn’t lead to a relaxed, trustful conversation. And it’s certainly not a good basis for a relaxed, trustful working relationship. An agreement based on pressure almost inevitably leads to later regret.

What to do instead

Acknowledge their concerns and show understanding. Especially when you sell services for a higher price, it’s natural for people to think things over or talk it through with someone. Trust that if you’re the right person to work with them, and your offer is what they need, they’ll be back – whether it’s today, next week or in a few months.

3. Urgency

Here’s another one: ‘Create urgency!’. How often do we hear that we should point out limited spots (even if there are many left)? Ask people to act now. That our bonus ends tonight. That a discount only available if they buy in the next 5 minutes. That their commitment to decide immediately reflects their commitment to themselves and their business. Sound familiar?

We all know the fear of missing out, the famous FOMO. When pressured to make a quick decision, many will rather say ‘Yes’ because they don’t want to miss the chance to take the discount, get the bonus, or join the program at all.

While I acknowledge that there may be very few exceptions where urgency may be given (e.g. you sell an event or program that starts within the next hours), in almost any case, there is no reason to force an instant decision.

Sure, urgency can drive sales. But it easily feels like pressure—both for you and your potential clients. And pressured decisions often lead to regret.

What to do instead

It’s simple: don’t create any false urgency. Unless there is a reason to make a quick decision, give your clients the space they need to decide. Follow up to check in, but trust the process. Removing the pressure makes the decision feel so much better—for everyone!

Sell in a way that feels good for all sides

I could come up with many more examples. What they all have in common: they don’t feel good – neither for you as a thoughtful business owner who is in service and wants to help people solve a problem (and yes, ultimately get paid for it), nor for your potential client who wants to explore if you’re the right person to help them before they make a buying decision.

At its heart, selling is about connection, trust, and service. If the tactics you’ve been taught feel icky or out of alignment, it’s because they likely are. You don’t need manipulation or pressure to grow your business.

And your potential client can sniff from a far distance if someone is salesy. Often, they feel that ‘something is off’, but in that moment they cannot articulate what it is and make a decision they later regret. Neither good for the client nor your reputation, testimonials and referrals.

Follow your values. Trust your gut. Focus on building genuine relationships, based on trust and integrity – and sales will come naturally. Selling doesn’t have to feel hard or sleazy — it can feel good, for both you and your clients.