“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”
~ Brené Brown ~
It took me a while to find out what it is that makes selling successful without being pushy and loud.
Of course, it depends on how you define ‘successful’. One definition is the transaction of money and nothing else. “Give me the money, and the sale is done” seems to be true for quite many online coaches.
For me, payment is only one part and the very last step of a sale. I only feel successful in selling something, when
I am convinced that there is only one thing that makes the difference between these two approaches – and thus selling so much better.
For a while, I couldn’t really articulate what it was, I just felt that something is missing in the cold transactional view on sales. Interesting enough, I found the answer when I looked back to my days in corporate.
My corporate experience gave me the key
In my earlier professional life, I worked as a tech lawyer in the IT industry. For a few years, I was responsible for contracts with high financial volume and juggled really big numbers. In the beginning, those amounts were scary, but very quickly I could ignore them when working on a project, and focused on the content and mechanics much more than the number.
I negotiated a lot, and I was surprised myself that I really enjoyed it. It was not the legal side; it was the psychology that fascinated me.
Unfortunately, psychology is not taught when you study law (I think it should be) – so, in the beginning I didn’t have deeper insights into the human psyche and simply used my sound understanding and intuition. I observed a lot, and I listened more than I talked, both of which I love doing (call me an introvert!).
And I asked a lot of questions: What did the customer want? What did they need? Where did their requests come from? When they got annoyed, pleased, defensive, satisfied, angry over a certain point in the contract – what was behind it? And how could we find a solution that worked for everyone?
I didn’t have much in common with a typical Netflix series lawyer, and I was for sure not the boldest and loudest in the room. And I didn’t have any better legal skills than my colleagues (I was rather bored quickly by the nitty gritty details). Yet, I was closing more deals in much less time, my negotiations ended in more practicable solutions, which led to more successful implementation.
I didn’t think much about the reasons for this until I had to sell my own services.
Building my sales process on human connection
When I embarked on my entrepreneurial journey, I did the same like every newbie (probably): I started learning how to build up a business by listening to the gurus and joining some of their courses and programs. I read books, articles, listened to podcasts, got lost on social media.
But when it came to selling, the common sales methods didn’t speak to me, and I always felt that cold outreach, pitching, slamming the sales into the other person’s face or spamming inboxes is just not right and doesn’t work for me. It almost caused me physical pain each time I was asked to “leave my comfort zone and just do it”. I didn’t want to do it like this, it was just not aligned with who I am and who I wanted to be as a business person.
So, I started wondering how I closed the deals in my corporate days. What was it that made it so much easier for me to get good results?
The answer that came up was quite simple. It suddenly dawned on me that it was because I intuitively did one thing that is not so super common in the legal space:
I connected with the other side on a very humane level. First there was a human connection that built trust, and then there was a discussion about terms and conditions.
In everything I had learned so far about sales, it was exactly that connection piece that was missing. I understood that it was this simple thing that differentiates you and makes selling authentic and natural (and thus your business successful): Connecting with another human being, seeing and hearing them, asking questions, listening, and offering help. And never ever forcing anything.
I believe that we can only sell well if there is a connection to the other human being. Good selling requires trust, and trust starts with that connection and wants to be developed from there. If we want to be of service to others and root our business in integrity, it’s our strongest foundation.